It sounds kind of funny, but it can be easy to forget about planning your MARRIAGE because you’re so wrapped up in planning your WEDDING. Before my husband and I said “I do”, we attended a 6-week marriage prep group class at my church along with a few individual counseling sessions with our pastor. This was such a special time and it added more benefit than either of us thought it would. We’ve also seen that over time, we’re able to go back to what we learned, which might not have been relevant at the moment.
What most brides and grooms don’t realize is that the stress of a wedding is often one that opens up cracks in the foundation of your future marriage. It isn’t anything to freak out about, but something to be aware of and discuss ahead of time so you are more prepared. I can tell you that one of the biggest fights that we’ve gotten into was while we were engaged…ON VALENTINE’S DAY!!!! It was mind-boggling to me, but it raised a few important red flags.
For example, let’s talk about communication. When you are planning a wedding, I will go ahead and assume that the bride will likely do most of the work. (Because it’s “her” big day, right? Wrong!) So when dealing with the groom, it might reveal some differences in your communication styles and ability to prioritize and get things done.
I did most of our planning, and asked my husband-to-be to do just a few things. And I had to remind him to do those few things. Over and over and over again. It got annoying. I got frustrated. And we had a few silly tiffs over things that “seem” so simple, like a guest list and what songs we would both walk down the aisle to. What I didn’t realize is that this was a reminder of how we are different. He is so laid back and I am…type-A, so it took some time but I had to learn to approach him with his “to-dos.”
One thing that might help is to sit down and have a casual discussion about what helps to keep him on track. Is it reminders? If so, how? Text messages? Emails at his workplace? Verbal cues? Or does he need a date that provides a deadline? Or for you to sit with him to do something? And is there something specific that he actually WANTS to help with?
These are some small examples but it might help to determine early on. If you can “master” how you can best assist each other during the wedding planning process, it can greatly help in your marriage because some of those same communication styles that you learn now can carry you a long way in the future. Don’t forget: you’re on the same team, and this day belongs to you both.
Happy planning will lead to a happy marriage!
Girl with a diamond ring
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